EY GURL

Oh god this trailer. Just Scorsese, and Kanye, and Leo, and McConaughey. Man that looks…… Wait, baseballs. So, unlike Round One, which was just a celebration of terrible things, all future rounds will be for one specific team (unless I get bored,  until I get bored). So then, through the magic of random pickings, today, we get none other than the Mets. LET’S GET TO THE HATS.

Hello, MS Paint

New York Mets MLB C-Dub 59FIFTY (100% Wool, $35)

Conceptually, this hat is fine. Simple red wool hat with a white logo. But then it gets made, and man that logo is garish. Like made by a 13 year old in GIMP who only knows what the outline of the logo is. The white on white look here is just really bad, and takes away from what could be an average hat.

So This Is A Thing

New York Mets MLB Nefs Basic 59FIFTY Cap (20/80 Poly/Wool, $35)

So, Neon Green can be cool on hats, and so can Yellow. This? I have no idea what this color actually is, but it is wrong. Then there’s the font, and man, there are issues here. First of all, if it is just going to say New York Mets, have it be bigger than a quarter of the front so that it doesn’t looked bunched up. It would likely also help if the ET in Mets were not trying to devour New York as it tries to run away. Also, the look of the font is not even close to being  #based, with the weird curves and rounded edges.

Well Then

New York Mets MLB Southpaw ACL 39THIRTY (100% Poly, $20)

HEY GUYS I REALLY LIKE THE METS A LOT WHEEEEEEE! DO YOU SEE THE CIRCLE THING UNDER THE NY. LETS PLAY SOME BASEBALL GUYS! WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING I JUST WANT FRIENDS IT IS THE ONLY THING I EVER WANTED IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!! AT LEAST I HAVE YOU HATTY, YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME

USA

New York Mets MLB 2013 Memorial Day Stars & Stripes 59FIFTY Cap (100% Poly, $38)

Look, I understand showing pride for the armed forces is important. My dad served (and was exposed to agent orange, but that’s besides the point), and my friends who are currently in the military are some of the bravest people I know, and I respect them for doing that. But this? It just feels like some executive was like “YO PEOPLE WILL BUY ANYTHING THAT MAKES THEM FEEL LIKE THEY ARE SUPPORTING THE TROOPS” and 15 minutes later, this came out. It just looks like a naked attempt to cash in on a person’s patriotism, and a lazy one at that.

ROLL DAMN STRAW

New York Mets MLB Striz-aw 39THIRTY Cap (3% Spandex, 27% Paper, 70% Cotton)

STRIZ-AW. I live in the rural south and I have never heard of a more bumpkin naming convention. Or is it like hood redneck? WHAT DEMOGRAPHIC IS THE WORD STRIZ-AW AIMED AT??? Actually, what demo is this entire hat aimed at? There just enough paper to be utterly repulsive, but not enough to embrace it. Seriously, I want to see the focus groups that led to this, or was it just a favor to some guys in Sales?

And thus ends the Mets. Join me next time, as I do stuff.